Category: Reality TV

Occasionally, host Josh Gates portrays himself as a dumb, annoying American in a foreign country. Overall, however, his bits are charming–he once realized he didn’t have physical currency to buy ice cream and helped sell ice cream to make up for it–and he comes across as a genuinely enthusiastic archeologist.

Tracking Tasmania’s Tiger (S4 E9)

Cryptids are animals frequently seen but not yet proven to exist. I knew there was a word that encompassed Big Foot, the Mothman, the Chupacabra, and the like.

Viking Secrets (S5 E1)

Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday are derived from Odin’s Day (Woden’s Day), Thor’s Day, and Freya’s Day.

The Secret, Cracking the Secret, The Secret Solved (S5 E4, S7 E9, S7 E12)

In these episodes, Josh Gates follows clues to real-world buried treasure as depicted in the The Secret: A Treasure Hunt. This book, published in 1982 by Byron Preiss, contains twelve paintings, each depicting clues corresponding to locations across North America in which Preiss buried a box holding a ceramic key. Each key corresponds to a gemstone that Preiss would award to the finder. Only two keys were found before Preiss died in a car crash in 2005, taking the locations of the remaining keys with him.

Josh Gates follows modern enthusiasts of The Secret, who believe they’ve cracked the clues to the remaining boxes. Adding to the difficulty of following the clues, however, is the changes to the cities and landscapes that have occurred in the nearly 40 years since the book was published. Despite this, Josh and his fellow treasure hunters find a key! The Secret is one of Expedition Unknown‘s more fascinating stories and with an amazing conclusion. More often, Josh finds little to advance the mystery he attempts to solve by the end of an episode.

I wonder if Ernest Cline took inspiration from The Secret when he wrote Ready Player One? The characters’ fascination with the 80’s makes it seem plausible.

The Hunt for the Golden Owl (S6 E9)

In this hunt very similar to The Secret, a book On the Trail of the Golden Owl by Max Valentin provides eleven clues to the location of a golden owl worth half a million dollars and hidden somewhere in France.

Escaping the Rock (S10 E7)

Expedition Unknown made it all the way to episodes that premiered in 2022 without mentioning COVID-19! This episode contained the first obvious signs: Josh making inappropriate video calls to interviewees that he would usually visit in person.

I was on the fence about COVID-19’s affect on Deadliest Catch. On one hand, the show documents one of the most dangerous jobs in the world, so why would the people willing to do it care about a flu virus? On the other hand, the ship captains and some of the crew have extremely unhealthy habits, so I understand their concern. It’s nice that Expedition Unknown let COVID-19 affect the show as little as possible, given how ridiculous that would look juxtaposed with the adventurous and dangerous risks they take on a per episode basis.

Chasing the Mysteries of Moses (S10 E12)

One of the show’s interviewees explains the origins of the modern alphabet: ancient semitic graffiti inspired by ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs. Wanting to write something themselves, the semitic graffiti artists drew a rough depiction of an ox on top of a house. The ox upside down creates the shape of an “A.” The word for ox and house to the semitic people was “alpha” and “bet.” Crazy!

The Hunt for Petra’s Lost Tombs, Petra’s Secret’s Revealed (S14 E1-2)

Another of Expedition Unknown‘s more interesting stories, this pair of episodes explores ancient Nabataean ruins, much of them carved in stone. The Nabataeans knew how to control water in the desert, their ancient settlements featuring stone and ceramic plumbing and water ways. They also had the technology to carve grand buildings out of solid stone cliff faces. Despite their achievements, we know almost nothing about them, including the purpose of their most impressive buildings. They existed within a few centuries of 0 AD.

The Man-Eating Lions of Kenya (S15 E2)

I thought there was nothing to learn about two lions, called the Ghost and the Darkness by those tormented by them, that killed as many as 130 people over 100 years ago and that Josh Gates had no business investigating whatever he was investigating, but this episode was surprisingly interesting. Josh and the investigators he accompanied analyzed the skulls and DNA of the lions and discovered they were brothers with genetic tooth problems. Jammed into a hole in one of the lion’s teeth was also hundreds of hairs, revealing what the lion ate and how its diet changed over time. Humans proved easy prey and soft food for lions with sore teeth.

Vanderbilt’s Lost Steamship (S16 E6)

Josh and the investigators actually found the ship wreck! Usually, Josh finds a different ship or a different airplane crash. Or it starts raining, and the crew’s plans are ruined forever.

The majority of the conflict in home renovation shows comes from the homeowners balancing their wants, their budget, and practicality. When it comes to specials where the home-building or home-renovating celebrity is building or renovating of their own place, however, there’s no longer any mention of budget. Wants are only occasionally balanced with practicality.

Fixer Upper: Colorado Mountain House is no exception wherein Chip and Joanna Gaines buy and renovate a house in the Colorado mountains to be closer to skiing in the winter with their five kids. The retreat features three buildings to renovate: the main house and two guest suites. The main obstacle I recall involved Chip and Joanna’s desire for a massive, two-story, wood-burning fireplace, a want that would typically be completely unattainable on an average budget. The catch? On the ground floor, the best spot for the fireplace was to the right of the best spot on the second floor. In the end, they still built the massive, two-story fireplace. They just also built another massive, one-story fireplace next to it and nixed a French door.

Another interesting choice they made was to convert a large walk-in closet to a bunkbed room for 3-4 of their kids rather than designating separate spaces for them. It was a neat room despite it defying the common homeowner desire to give each kid their own space, but I suppose this is more of a vacation home than a permanent residence.

It looks like a cool place overall… but let’s never speak of how much any of this costs.

After several years of not watching Ghost Adventures, I returned for Seasons 26-30. Zak Bagans proceeded to tell me nearly every episode something along the lines of, “This is some of the most profound evidence ever captured.” And I thought to myself, “This is such bullshit.”

I remember the days of Ghost Hunters where nothing would happen for multiple episodes. Orbs were almost immediately disregarded as dust or bugs. Compelling evidence consisted of muffled EVPs. Creepy feelings were debunked as high electromagnetic fields from faulty electrical panels, and investigators were annoyed to discover haunted house gimmicks hadn’t been deactivated in restaurants purporting to be haunted. Shadow figures and poltergeist activity caught on camera was the stuff of season finales.

Now you’re going to claim to me that you captured a loud, disembodied, demonic scream for the SECOND TIME in Ghost Adventures history right after an episode capturing an object moving by itself? Half the time they can’t even get through a pre-investigation interview without supernatural activity interrupting or someone claiming to feel ill or weird.

Then, I thought I saw something move in my periphery in my house and freaked out, so I guess I’m still a believer. XD

On one hand, Zak Bagans feels like a slimy salesmen, and I wouldn’t put it past him to fake evidence. On the other hand, he’s investigated some sketchy places, participated in rituals, and actively invited entities into his life over the years I’ve been watching Ghost Adventures. In that way, I can believe the frequency and intensity of the supernatural activity surrounding him is merely increasing. In the documentary Demon House, Zak was haunted so hard that his eyes permanently crossed. Is that a joke, or is that real? I can’t tell anymore.

Notes:
Season 30 Episode 10
Psychometry – the ability to sense the aura of an object through touch.

Season 8 of Spring Baking Championship introduced two gimmicks, and both of them failed.

The first was the elimination of two bakers in episode one and the introduction of two new bakers in episode two. Typically, a season begins with twelve bakers and one is eliminated each episode until the season finale with the final 3-4 bakers. In this season, two bakers were eliminated in the first episode to make way for the addition of two more bakers in episode two. The new bakers, however, first had to compete against each other alongside the other bakers. Out of the two bakers, the one with the better dessert would continue competing. At the end of the episode, one of the new bakers and one of the original contestants were eliminated, bringing the contestant count down to the regularly scheduled ten. The second new baker, however, was eliminated in episode three, making the whole gimmick pointless.

The second gimmick was the unexpected introduction of a pre-final bake off. Until Season 11, season finales included two rounds. The first round eliminated one of the four finalists. In the second, the final three competed for winner of the season. In Season 11, the four finalists still competed in round one, but then, the bottom two were required to compete against each other in a bake off to join the top two in the final round. Unprepared for the sudden development and overwhelmed by the emotional toll of the previous round, however, one of the contestants simply quit, making the other the winner by default and the whole gimmick pointless.

The first gimmick never made another appearance. Despite its similar failure, however, the second would become the new finale format for all following seasons of Spring Baking Championship. No one has quit since, so it seems the contestants get a warning about it now.

For a season of Cake Wars contestants came in teams to compete against each other in creating the best Christmas-themed cakes across multiple rounds/episodes with the final round being a life-size gingerbread house.

This season of Christmas-themed challenges took out the best part of food-related shows (delicious-looking food) and left in the worst part of Cake Wars (cake decorating). I was mildly entertained by Cake Wars for the cake, man! The characters and things made with the food were often related to properties I didn’t care about and didn’t even look good. They may be edible, but they also aren’t appetizing: usually fondant, food coloring, and rice crispy treats and modeling chocolate that someone has rubbed their hands all over. That vanilla bean, buttercream frosting cake, however, tell me more about that.

Most of the cakes in Cake Wars: Christmas weren’t presented to the judges as food for tasting. The cakes themselves were judged purely on looks, but the judges also required and judged a separate tasting element (e.g. “Here’s cookies that we also baked.”). These tasting elements don’t even get that much emphasis. Most of the episode is dedicated to how impressive that firetruck-shaped, questionable-food on a platform screwed to a wall smeared in food coloring is.

I’m glad I skipped Cake Wars: Halloween because it would probably be the same but Halloween themed.

“What are you making?”
“A double chocolate shit cookie.”

-Me continuing to mishear what bakers are saying on Cake Wars.

Spring Baking Championship has more dignity than Cake Wars. That I recall, Spring Baking Championship only tried to sell me A Minecraft Movie. Cake Wars tries to sell me something every episode.

Also, Cake Wars judges are jerks. They will always find something wrong, even a nitpick, and it will be highlighted as a major flaw. Perhaps their criticisms are emphasized to create more tension. “Everyone’s cake has flaws! Who will win?” But it also creates the impression that everyone’s cake sucks every episode. The bakers are making a cake for a big party to celebrate some major property (Trolls, Sesame Street, Kung Fu Panda, etc.), so in the end, the property, which probably sponsored a portion of the episode, wins the cake that sucked the least. Congratulations!

For a segment of each episode, the judges will also visit the bakers while they’re making their cakes to give them some feedback. Most of the time the theme of their feedback is, “This is a terrible idea. You will fail.” There’s rarely any helpful suggestions or other constructive feedback, and the segment seems to exist solely to make the bakers doubt themselves. It’s like watching my worst nightmare every episode: someone looking at my work when I’m halfway done with it and saying, “Well, that’s stupid.”

In contrast, Spring Baking Championship‘s approach to mid-baking segments is much more constructive with the judges or host giving the bakers tips, suggestions, optimism, and curiosity. During the actual judging, the judges will also say the dessert is perfect if they think it is perfect. So yes, Spring Baking Championship has more dignity and respect for the human spirit.

“Oh, I love this shade of green. It looks just like shit.”

– Me mishearing a baker comparing her green frosting to Shrek’s coloring.