If you know me, I probably don’t seem like team lead-type. I don’t express myself verbally often, and outside of work, even expressing myself in written form can be inconsistent. This is due to a combination of things:
- I struggle to put thoughts to words.
- I can’t think of what to say until it’s too late.
- I’m indecisive about when to speak in the midst of a conversation.
- I don’t know who or don’t have anyone to speak to.
- I think no one cares or that what I say is stupid/offensive/nonsense.
- I have an aversion to being perceived.
In my day job, however, I co-lead 15-20 software engineers. I do this almost entirely through written messages, comments, emails, and work items. I very rarely host meetings. I usually don’t share my thoughts in meetings. Meetings are where I absorb others’ ideas and what’s important to them. Even if someone has a question for me, people I interact with often know I prefer to answer in written form later. This even applies to brainstorming meetings where the meeting’s orchestrator wants everyone’s thoughts. The sometimes lengthy and opinionated written responses I (and others) send in group chats or emails after these meetings have become known as “secret thoughts.”
This somewhat unorthodox method of team leadership works pretty well for me. Granted, I rely on my fellow co-lead to handle most of the traditional leadership tasks (meetings, people management, reporting, etc.) and our product manager to gather requirements from those we serve. Perhaps someone more competent in communication in my place could do my job more efficiently, but nonetheless, our team has been cited as the most productive in the department and a model for other teams to follow. My technical leadership in the form of translating business needs into work items, answering technical questions for product owners and developers, contributing to architectural designs, and providing code reviews are no small part of that.
This approach works so well for me that I thought I would try a similar unorthodox approach to socializing and forming deeper connections with my acquaintances, friends, and family. High school was the only time in my life where I came close to being considered a social butterfly. How did I do it? Partly, people around me had the time and desire to talk at me until I talked regularly back to them. Partly, I made short films with friends and participated in theater as a light and sound technician, which both combined storytelling (my favorite thing) with socializing. More relevant to this idea, however, I used to blog. A friend of mine and my sister also had a blog, and we used to blog to each other.
A personal blog seems like the perfect medium for me. I can write my thoughts and share them, regardless of whether anyone cares and regardless of how long ago the conversation that sparked the thought took place. People can get to know me where otherwise I might be impenetrable without a lot of time and effort spent talking at me. They can write back to me, too. A blog recreates many of the non-verbal tools available to me at work. It’s a place to share my secret thoughts outside of work.
The personal blogging I did in high school has since been replaced by social media like Facebook. I have Facebook, so why don’t I use that? Why haven’t I used it more often? These days everyone hates or avoids Facebook, Instagram, Twitter/X, BlueSky, Truth Social, Minds, etc. for one reason or another. If you’re not avoiding a platform altogether for it’s politics or data gathering policies, you’re inundated with AI generated garbage, animals in distress videos (or is that just me?), advertisements, and posts from people you don’t know and didn’t sign up to see. Some people avoid social media simply because despite, or because of, all the garbage, it’s too addictive and a waste of time. I come to social media to see what my friends, family, and interests are doing, and I don’t want to be there most of the time. If I were to pick a social media platform as the medium for a personal blog, my connections might not be or want to be on that platform or any platform. Plus… I miss organizing my thoughts into old-school categories. XD
That’s why I’m returning to traditional blogging. It may not be the most efficient way to make friends or connections, but it might be what works for me. Want to know my secret thoughts? Follow along.