Category: Live Action

Dark (Seasons 1-3)

Dark, a German Netflix series, was pitched to me as the antithesis of Stranger Things Season 5–well planned, dense, and thoughtful in comparison to action and nonsense said repeatedly to cater to the second-screen generation. Dark features an ensemble cast of characters who discover they are trapped in a time loop in which events repeat every 33 years. Among other past and future years, it takes place in 2019, 1986, and 1953, hitting the nostalgia and atmosphere of both the 80s and the 50s as is popular in media these days.

How did this time loop happen? In the present year 2019, one of the protagonists Jonas discovers that he is the son of his love interest Martha’s 11-year-old missing brother Mikkel. Mikkel went through a hidden portal in a cave where he found himself trapped 1986. Meanwhile, another boy Mads from 1986 goes through the portal and reappears in 2019 dead with his eyes and ears exploded, intriguing other 2019 characters who knew Mads as a boy. Mikkel would grow up to become Jonas’ father, making his sister Martha Jonas’ aunt. Distraught that he and Martha can’t be together, Jonas becomes determined to rescue Mikkel or otherwise stop the time loop from coming to be.

Despite how it was pitched, I spent most of Dark waiting for something to happen. Yes, yes, there’s a time loop. Then, what happened? Ultimately, the entire show is the most frustrating manifestation of pointless, space-time continuum bullshit I’ve ever seen. The first season features the 2019 cast of characters discovering and investigating the time loop and the portal. At the end of the season, Martha is murdered in front of Jonas by his future self (for reasons) just as another Martha from another dimension appears and takes 2019 Jonas to her world. The alternate 2019 is the dimension where everyone has cleft pallets and emo hair… I mean, it has an identical but slightly different cast of 2019 characters who discover and investigate the time loop and the portal… as if the creators had given up on the first dimension and were rebooting the story in another. It reminded me of that quote from Fairly Odd Parents: “It’s the show about nothing! …How do we know when it’s over?” Instead of “it’s the show about nothing” though, it’s the show where every season is the same plot and same discoveries but taking place in a slightly different world.

Several reiterations of the same explanation later, we thoroughly understand that yes, yes, Martha and Jonas are the origin of the time loop, Adam and Eve, and there is no escape. Then, what? Our 2019 protagonist Jonas is then murdered in front of alternate dimension 2019 Martha. I nearly rage quit when her future self reveals that Martha and Jonas still have an opportunity to be together. There are two timelines in their alternate dimension: one in which Jonas went to their dimension and one in which he remained in the original 2019 dimension from season one. So his death is meaningless, and we go back to the original world’s 2019 where we left off at the end of season one. The creators can reboot this show with as many timelines and dimensions as they want without consequence!

I probably should have rage quit because nothing ever did happen, although I suppose the time loop did end. It’s a clever idea somebody discovering that they are the son of a boy who has just gone missing, yes, but then what? All the show had to do was explain the dead birds and why Mads’ eyes and ears exploded.

If you do watch it, however, German with subtitles is superior to dubbed.

Black Phone 2

Black Phone 2 takes place four years after The Black Phone and features the same characters and child actors, now four years older. This I thought was really cool, both the growth of the actors and the realistic treatment of the characters in the aftermath of their experience with the serial child murderer the Grabber. Naturally, Finney is scarred, self-medicated, and angry from his kidnapping and imprisonment and having to murder his tormentor to escape. The caring and protective relationship he and his sister Gwen have, however, has also grown. When Gwen begins having the same dreams their mother had about a series of murders that took place at Alpine Lake Camp in 1957, Gwen with Finney in tow travel to the Colorado mountain camp to find the missing bodies and uncover a mystery regarding their mother’s suicide.

Watching Black Phone 2 made me want to rewatch The Black Phone. It looked like it was really good, which it was once I revisited it. The first half of Black Phone 2 is also good and has the same realism and subtle supernatural elements as its prequel. Unfortunately, the second half falls into the common trope many horror movies do where the ending gives up on living up to its expectations and devolves into ridiculousness.

Throughout the movie, Gwen is tormented in her dreams by the perpetrator of the 1957 murders, who turns out to be the Grabber. His spirit has returned from death, and he reveals that he can harm and even kill her in her dreams. Eventually, Gwen overpowers him in her sleep by lucid dreaming. Gwen’s found ability to overpower him in her sleep somehow translates to her having this ability to do so in reality where his spirit has been gaining power from the missing bodies of murdered campers. This leads to Gwen being overpowered and undefeatable by the final fight scene, which also features the Grabber on ice skates and imagery suggestive of a horse-drawn Zamboni.

Alpine Lake Camp also has an identity crisis. The camp and counselors are all constructed as if it were going to be a typical summer camp. One of the camp counselors even has a stereotypical Texas drawl. It’s the dead of winter, however, and it’s miserable outside to the point where the camp is canceled due to road conditions. It’s so miserable in fact that it’s hard to believe the camp is located in Colorado. My friends and I kept wanting to say the characters were in Alaska. It wouldn’t have been out of place for the Texan counselor to say, “I’m just a Texas girl in the wild Alaskan mountains of Colorado.”

The Black Phone

I watched The Black Phone back when it came out in 2021. Between then and now, it became buried in my memories among so many other horror movies my friends and I have watched, although I remembered it being really good. When I watched Black Phone 2 recently, my main thought through the whole movie was, “Man, The Black Phone looks like it was really good.” I’ve since revisited it.

It’s a shame that I forgot about it because it is indeed really good. The protagonist, 13-year-old Finney is kidnapped and held in a basement by a psycho, serial child killer known as the Grabber. Finney has subtle psychic abilities that allow him to communicate with the spirits of the Grabber’s previous victims, all of whom give Finney suggestions on how escape the basement. Finney’s younger sister Gwen also has subtle psychic abilities, which she uses to lead the police to Finney’s location.

The film is plausibly supernatural and realistic in a satisfying way. Finney and Gwen’s abilities have limitations and never make them superhuman. The film’s ghosts are subtly horrifying, not screaming, throwing people or objects across the room, or jump-scaring the audience. The Grabber has the sense that his house is haunted, but the spirits never rise up in a ridiculous show of revenge. I appreciate a film that treats ghosts more realistically. Ultimately, Finney escapes the basement and even kills his tormentor by his own cleverness and physical strength in a plausible way. The film’s supernatural elements, while they are key to Finney’s escape, don’t overshadow the story, the characters, or the ending.

Spoilers! Its plot twists are great as well. The Grabber’s brother, who is obsessed with finding the Grabber and even lives in the same house, is briefly entertained as Finney’s savior until his idiocy gets him killed. As another example, Gwen and the police discover a house with a dirt basement unlike the one most of the movie takes place in. This basement contains the Grabber’s buried victims. The audience is briefly led to believe that Finney is dead and buried among these bodies, and the scene of him overpowering the Grabber was a dream too good to be true. This makes it all the more satisfying when Finney walks out of the house across the street, the house with the basement where the Grabber tortured his victims.

IT: Welcome to Derry (Season 1)

I don’t know if I can fairly judge IT: Welcome to Derry because I was extremely distracted by things that had nothing to do with it for half to a third of the episodes. Does it say something about the show that it failed to distract me from my distractions? Probably not. Getting into a political argument with a friend and ordering Doordash to the wrong address is extremely distracting. I saw enough of the show, however, to have no desire to revisit any of it, so these thoughts are as close to a review as I’ll get.

IT: Welcome to Derry is reminiscent of Stranger Things in that it features a cast of kids and adults in a seemingly normal town until they become entangled in supernatural events. Welcome to Derry, however, takes place in the 50s instead of the 80s, so it doesn’t have the charming nostalgia. In fact, as with other media that takes place in the 50s–such as the Bioshock video games… and Stranger Things–the 50s-theme is instead used to create a creepy, horrific atmosphere. Additionally, while Stranger Things preserves the lives of its cast, Welcome to Derry begins violently murdering and maiming its child characters within the first episode.

Sure, Welcome to Derry is a horror series. I should have expected everything to be gross, horrific, and creepy, and comparing it to Stranger Things, an adventure series, isn’t fair. Still, I didn’t find the horror elements conducive to sympathizing or bonding with the kids or wider cast. It felt like it wanted to be a Stranger Things with a cast that could endure for eight episodes and beyond, but it was also obligated to kill its characters and disgust its audience. Maybe it wasn’t for me, or maybe while I was distracted I missed the good bits.

Shows like Dark, Welcome to Derry, and Stranger Things have evoked the nostalgia of the 50s and the 80s. What someone really needs to do is make a show about the good old days of the mid-2000s when the Internet and technology was young but fun. That seems like prime real estate to piggyback off the popularity of Stranger Things!

Olympic Winter Games Milano Cortina 2026

I thought the Milano Cortina 2026 Olympics was doomed to be disappointing in comparison to the previous three Olympics. No one would try to win an event by doing a butt spin as they had in the Paris 2024 Summer Olympics’ Break Dancing debut. Italy also didn’t have to clean the Seine River of over a century’s worth of hazardous waste nor would its opening ceremony feature said river and dozens of boats carrying the Olympians. It didn’t have to shut down power plants to make the air breathable as China did for the Beijing 2022 Winter Olympics nor was it postponed for a year due to COVID-19 as the Tokyo 2020 Summer Olympics had.

Someone of Raygun’s experience and skill also wouldn’t make an appearance. Summer Olympics 2028 will be sad without Break Dancing.

I was also disappointed to find that the Hulu PS5 app still sucks. It’s been two years at least, Hulu! The PC app also sucks but not as much. The phone app is just okay. Maybe one of these Olympics I’ll use something other than Hulu + TV, or I’ll use the Hulu app on my TV, which I would hope actually works.

The Milano Cortina Olympics did remind me of the Turin 2006 Winter Olympics though, which gave me reason to hope. I was excited for the Turin, Italy Olympics because one of my favorite bands Bloom 06 (2/3rds of Eiffel 65) had created the official theme for that year. I was expecting to see them at the opening or closing ceremonies, but I don’t even remember hearing the theme anywhere. Considering they hadn’t made any music since 2009, I doubted I’d see or hear Bloom 06 during the 2026 Olympics. “But maybe Gabry Ponte (the other 1/3 of Eiffel 65)?” I dared to hope during the whole opening ceremony. Nope. There was a lot of electronic music though.

Lindsey Vonn, a favorite for alpine skiing despite an ACL injury, fell down and broke her leg within 15 seconds.

The winner of Men’s Giant Slalom took his time taking off all his shirts before screaming and flexing at the crowd.

The 90s theme for the Rhythm Dance was pretty great. Still no Eiffel 65 though.

The winner of the Men’s Slopestyle beefed it on what was supposed to be his victory run. The NBC commentator’s reaction encapsulated this moment well, “Dude, what are you doing?”

The NBC commentators look so ridiculous standing and sitting an awkwardly far distance apart while talking to one another in front of a screen.

Every time Picabo Street appears as an NBC commentator, it reminds me of that Front Page Sports: Ski Racing video game from the 90s. It played audio of her breaking her leg whenever you failed to ski down the course.

Snoop Dog looks so old.

Women’s Half Pipe NBC commentators: “That’s the first time anyone has landed the double cork 1080!”
Judges: “Eh. I guess that’s like an 88.”

After all the hype, Ilia Malinin got 8th in the Men’s Free Skate. The guy from Kazakhstan deserved the gold though. He did a good job.

Interesting. The most efficient way to team pursuit skate is to stay in one order for the whole race and physically push the leaders from behind.

During the Women’s Giant Slalom, three skiers tied for first place at one point on Run 1. On Run 2, two women tied for 2nd place.

Poor George Savaricas. I took to laughing at him every time he appeared as an NBC commentator just because he swallowed loudly mid-sentence once.

I agree with the NBC commentators: the Women’s Snowboarding Slopestyle judging was bizarre. The woman who won seemed like she was out-boarded by several others.

The debut sport for Milano Cortina 2026 was Ski Mountaineering. It involves cross-country skiing uphill with sticky skins on the underside of the skis, removing the skis and running up stairs, removing the sticky skins from the skis and downhill skiing, and replacing the sticky skins to cross-country ski uphill again. It reminds me of that bizarre event in summer Olympics with horse riding, fencing, swimming, shooting, and running.

One of the Women’s Free Skate competitors had a Stranger Things-themed skate. The music included an audio clip of Vecna saying, “You’ve already lost,” a brutal reminder considering she’d already fallen down. Meanwhile, Amber Glenn, the American favorite, went from 13th to 5th place between the Short Program and the Free Skate. Good for her.

Women’s Halfpipe Skier: *flails down the half pipe*
Judges: “I guess that’s like an 80.”

The figure skating gala was fun. The skaters may not have spun on their butts, but they did the macarena and YMCA. Another group dressed as Kung Fu Panda, Deadpool, and Mortal Combat characters. The panda even succeeded in doing a triple spin.

Gabry Ponte appeared for two minutes during the Closing Ceremonies! It’s 20 years later, but I finally got to see part of Eiffel 65 at an Olympics in Italy! Yes! Best two minutes of the 2026 Olympics!

One Last Adventure: The Making of Stranger Things 5

Right after watching all five seasons of Stranger Things, I watched the making of documentary One Last Adventure: The Making of Stranger Things 5. For how much the Internet praised and complained about Will’s coming out scene, there was zero mention of it. The documentary’s timeline even skips bizarrely from the making of Episode 6 to the making of Episode 8. Did the creators of the documentary foresee what a train wreck of controversy Episode 7 was going to be and intentionally exclude all commentary about it? Did they re-edit the documentary to remove mention of Episode 7 and replace it with more commentary about Episode 8 after the controversy? Or was Episode 7 so special in their mind that they excluded it to be experienced in the show alone?

On a lighter subject, watching the set dresser splash fake blood on the walls and everything else for Mrs. Wheeler’s fight scene made me cringe.

Sadako vs. Kayako

I was surprised after I watched Sadako vs. Kayako to discover that’s its considered a comedy-horror. The concept of The Grudge vs. The Ring is a stupid idea that can’t be treated seriously, but this movie felt more like a boring Japanese horror. Half the time, I couldn’t distinguish its intentional comedy from characters making typical bad choices in a horror setting. The rest of the time, comedic characters just felt like stereotypes oddly placed in a horror setting. Namely, a cool bro exorcist and his blind little girl sidekick joined the cast midway into the movie after a fairly typical series of horrific deaths.

All I thought was funny was the terrible, sometimes intentionally so, Engrish subtitles in the copy I watched. During an exorcism, the subtitles enhanced an old woman’s spiritual chanting with Harry Potter spells. “Avada Kedavra!” “Expelliarmus!” “Expecto Patronum!” I wish I could remember some Engrish examples, but you can also watch the copy yourself here:

M3gan 2.0

The creators of M3gan are totally Portal and Portal 2 fans. I had a feeling when I watched M3gan, but after watching the sequel M3gan 2.0, I’m convinced.

The robot villain-turned-ally M3gan has a distortion in her robot voice that’s very reminiscent of the voice of GlaDOS, the robot villain-turned-ally of the Portal video game series. M3gan’s character arc from M3gan to M3gan 2.0 matches GlaDOS’s from Portal to Portal 2, and M3gan singing pop songs inappropriately matches GlaDOS unexpectedly singing the closing theme to both Portal games.

As for the movie itself, it’s great and about as good as I remember M3gan being. Among other satisfying action, comedy, and storytelling beats M3gan 2.0 features, the villain printer company Xenox having super advanced AI is hilarious.

Expedition Unknown (Seasons 1-16)

Occasionally, host Josh Gates portrays himself as a dumb, annoying American in a foreign country. Overall, however, his bits are charming–he once realized he didn’t have physical currency to buy ice cream and helped sell ice cream to make up for it–and he comes across as a genuinely enthusiastic archeologist.

Tracking Tasmania’s Tiger (S4 E9)

Cryptids are animals frequently seen but not yet proven to exist. I knew there was a word that encompassed Big Foot, the Mothman, the Chupacabra, and the like.

Viking Secrets (S5 E1)

Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday are derived from Odin’s Day (Woden’s Day), Thor’s Day, and Freya’s Day.

The Secret, Cracking the Secret, The Secret Solved (S5 E4, S7 E9, S7 E12)

In these episodes, Josh Gates follows clues to real-world buried treasure as depicted in the The Secret: A Treasure Hunt. This book, published in 1982 by Byron Preiss, contains twelve paintings, each depicting clues corresponding to locations across North America in which Preiss buried a box holding a ceramic key. Each key corresponds to a gemstone that Preiss would award to the finder. Only two keys were found before Preiss died in a car crash in 2005, taking the locations of the remaining keys with him.

Josh Gates follows modern enthusiasts of The Secret, who believe they’ve cracked the clues to the remaining boxes. Adding to the difficulty of following the clues, however, is the changes to the cities and landscapes that have occurred in the nearly 40 years since the book was published. Despite this, Josh and his fellow treasure hunters find a key! The Secret is one of Expedition Unknown‘s more fascinating stories and with an amazing conclusion. More often, Josh finds little to advance the mystery he attempts to solve by the end of an episode.

I wonder if Ernest Cline took inspiration from The Secret when he wrote Ready Player One? The characters’ fascination with the 80’s makes it seem plausible.

The Hunt for the Golden Owl (S6 E9)

In this hunt very similar to The Secret, a book On the Trail of the Golden Owl by Max Valentin provides eleven clues to the location of a golden owl worth half a million dollars and hidden somewhere in France.

Escaping the Rock (S10 E7)

Expedition Unknown made it all the way to episodes that premiered in 2022 without mentioning COVID-19! This episode contained the first obvious signs: Josh making inappropriate video calls to interviewees that he would usually visit in person.

I was on the fence about COVID-19’s affect on Deadliest Catch. On one hand, the show documents one of the most dangerous jobs in the world, so why would the people willing to do it care about a flu virus? On the other hand, the ship captains and some of the crew have extremely unhealthy habits, so I understand their concern. It’s nice that Expedition Unknown let COVID-19 affect the show as little as possible, given how ridiculous that would look juxtaposed with the adventurous and dangerous risks they take on a per episode basis.

Chasing the Mysteries of Moses (S10 E12)

One of the show’s interviewees explains the origins of the modern alphabet: ancient semitic graffiti inspired by ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs. Wanting to write something themselves, the semitic graffiti artists drew a rough depiction of an ox on top of a house. The ox upside down creates the shape of an “A.” The word for ox and house to the semitic people was “alpha” and “bet.” Crazy!

The Hunt for Petra’s Lost Tombs, Petra’s Secret’s Revealed (S14 E1-2)

Another of Expedition Unknown‘s more interesting stories, this pair of episodes explores ancient Nabataean ruins, much of them carved in stone. The Nabataeans knew how to control water in the desert, their ancient settlements featuring stone and ceramic plumbing and water ways. They also had the technology to carve grand buildings out of solid stone cliff faces. Despite their achievements, we know almost nothing about them, including the purpose of their most impressive buildings. They existed within a few centuries of 0 AD.

The Man-Eating Lions of Kenya (S15 E2)

I thought there was nothing to learn about two lions, called the Ghost and the Darkness by those tormented by them, that killed as many as 130 people over 100 years ago and that Josh Gates had no business investigating whatever he was investigating, but this episode was surprisingly interesting. Josh and the investigators he accompanied analyzed the skulls and DNA of the lions and discovered they were brothers with genetic tooth problems. Jammed into a hole in one of the lion’s teeth was also hundreds of hairs, revealing what the lion ate and how its diet changed over time. Humans proved easy prey and soft food for lions with sore teeth.

Vanderbilt’s Lost Steamship (S16 E6)

Josh and the investigators actually found the ship wreck! Usually, Josh finds a different ship or a different airplane crash. Or it starts raining, and the crew’s plans are ruined forever.