Eldest

Despite killing a major character and disappearing another within the first ten pages, Eldest by Christopher Paolini is much slower than its predecessor Eragon. No more do paragraphs summarize weeks worth of events. The book occasionally, however, forces odd topics into character conversations. I can almost hear Paolini saying, “I need these characters to talk about this thing now.”

Another enhancement is that Eldest has multiple narrators. Eragon and his adopted brother Roran are the primary narrators. Nasuada, the leader of the Varden resistance, also narrates a couple chapters, but it feels random, like she’s a narrator only because Paolini found no other way to introduce important characters and concepts. I also had the feeling that Roran was a narrator to slow the book down and prevent Eragon from plowing through the plot as he had in the first book, but overall, the pair of them swapping chapters as narrators feels fitting and intentional.

I believe Paolini also reveals himself as a fan of Weird Al Yankovic’s UHF when a side character exclaims, “Barges? Barges? We don’t want no stinking barges!” It sounds so out of place and suspiciously similar to a quote from UHF, that it has to be an allusion to, “Badgers? Badgers? We don’t need no stinking badgers!”

As my final random thought… I’ve read Eldest at least three times now. I’ve always accepted that it made sense for the elves to reject eating meat. It was an admirable lifestyle even. I’ve since been spoiled, however, with keto and lion diet ideology, fitness nutrition, and conservative talking points. How can the elves possibly get enough protein from plants to maintain their inhuman strength? They would need to have industrial-level production of soy and beans. Even Mark Boyle, who recounted his experience living off the land and rejecting modern technology in his autobiographical account The Way Home, conceded that he had to give up his vegetarian diet and eat meat to survive. He would no longer have access to all those canned beans and soy products from distant lands to supplement his vegetables. I suppose the elves have magical abilities that include speeding up and manipulating the growth of plants, but it’s still ridiculous. I’ll save most of my complaints about this point for the next book in the series Brisingr though, where Eragon’s choice to also abstain from eating meat makes even less sense.

True Crime Stories You Won’t Believe: Omnibus Edition (Book 1-3)

An omnibus is a volume containing several novels or items that were previously published separately. In the introduction to True Crime Stories You Won’t Believe: Omnibus Edition, author Romeo Vitelli justifies his choice of publishing the book as an omnibus by claiming that together his books form a more coherent whole. Each book is a collection of assorted true crime stories based on posts from Vitelli’s blog. If he means that together they form a more complete history of all crimes that have ever been committed, I suppose.

His writing reminds me of David Paulides’ Missing 411 series in which he chronicles missing person cases with strange circumstances and commonalities and seemingly supernatural elements. At the end of each case, he has a tendency to insert himself as the researcher, tying the case to similar cases, reiterating his confusions or amazement with the circumstances, or describing his frustrations with the authorities. It comes off as amateurish and repetitive. While Vitelli isn’t as egregious in self-referencing his research efforts, his writing still sounds amateurish. His style is inappropriately belittling and informal for the subject matter. Using phrases and words like “somehow” and “for some reason,” it’s like listening to a narrator who finds his own stories and the people in them ridiculous.

What attracted me to listen to True Crime Stories You Won’t Believe, however, was the narrator “Virtual Voice,” a computer-generated narrator for audiobooks as Audible explains. I’d never listened to narration produced by AI and was curious what it sounded like.

Well… with all the time they saved by having AI read a 17-hour-long audiobook, they could have at least listened to it and revised their prompts accordingly. Or maybe the producer of True Crime Stories You Won’t Believe did listen to it and, despite all the pronunciation inconsistencies and other signs of Virtual Voice lacking comprehension of the English language, decided to dump it on Audible anyway.

Here are a few highlights:

Virtual Voice pronounced EEG (electroencephalogram) as “eeeeeeg.”

A few stories included excerpts from song lyrics or poems. Virtual Voice ended each line with a verbal “slash” rather than a pause.

Vitelli snarkily wrote something like, “Why would he be there in the first place?” Virtual Voice read this as if “the first place” was an actual place rather than a phrase.

“etc. etc.” was pronounced as “Et See. Et See.”

One story featured a legend about wendigos. It also featured every possible pronunciation of “wendigo”: WENdigo, wenDIgo, WINdigo, etc.

Caffeine: How Caffeine Created the Modern World

Caffeine: How Caffeine Created the Modern World is an audiobook written and narrated by Michael Pollan that I forgot I’d listened to and Audible kept hawking it at me. So, I’ve listened to it twice now. Oh, you want to know the content? It tells the story of, as the subtitle suggests, how our population’s addiction to and dependence on caffeine created the modern world.

A fact about caffeine that I’ve always remembered since my first listen to this book: because of low water quality in the past, boiled coffee or tea was one of the safest things to drink alongside alcohol. People were more likely to live if they drank caffeine, helping to perpetuate its addictiveness.

Another fun fact: the minute hand of the clock was introduced alongside caffeine.

I don’t drink coffee, energy drinks, soda, or caffeinated tea. My caffeine primarily comes from chocolate, but I doubt my daily fix contains enough caffeine to compare to that consumed by caffeinated beverage drinkers. The world seems fast to me. There’s always a billion things to do. In some ways, I do a billion things everyday, but in other ways, I look at other people and feel incredibly slow. I tend to think that I process some information slower that other people; I prefer to process some information slowly and completely; I need more recharge time in comparison to other people; or I get slowed down by perfectionism and anxiety. After reading this book a second time, however, I wonder if the world seems fast because so many people are drinking caffeine and genuinely doing more than people who abstain from it like me could possibly do.

IT: Welcome to Derry (Season 1)

I don’t know if I can fairly judge IT: Welcome to Derry because I was extremely distracted by things that had nothing to do with it for half to a third of the episodes. Does it say something about the show that it failed to distract me from my distractions? Probably not. Getting into a political argument with a friend and ordering Doordash to the wrong address is extremely distracting. I saw enough of the show, however, to have no desire to revisit any of it, so these thoughts are as close to a review as I’ll get.

IT: Welcome to Derry is reminiscent of Stranger Things in that it features a cast of kids and adults in a seemingly normal town until they become entangled in supernatural events. Welcome to Derry, however, takes place in the 50s instead of the 80s, so it doesn’t have the charming nostalgia. In fact, as with other media that takes place in the 50s–such as the Bioshock video games… and Stranger Things–the 50s-theme is instead used to create a creepy, horrific atmosphere. Additionally, while Stranger Things preserves the lives of its cast, Welcome to Derry begins violently murdering and maiming its child characters within the first episode.

Sure, Welcome to Derry is a horror series. I should have expected everything to be gross, horrific, and creepy, and comparing it to Stranger Things, an adventure series, isn’t fair. Still, I didn’t find the horror elements conducive to sympathizing or bonding with the kids or wider cast. It felt like it wanted to be a Stranger Things with a cast that could endure for eight episodes and beyond, but it was also obligated to kill its characters and disgust its audience. Maybe it wasn’t for me, or maybe while I was distracted I missed the good bits.

Shows like Dark, Welcome to Derry, and Stranger Things have evoked the nostalgia of the 50s and the 80s. What someone really needs to do is make a show about the good old days of the mid-2000s when the Internet and technology was young but fun. That seems like prime real estate to piggyback off the popularity of Stranger Things!

Olympic Winter Games Milano Cortina 2026

I thought the Milano Cortina 2026 Olympics was doomed to be disappointing in comparison to the previous three Olympics. No one would try to win an event by doing a butt spin as they had in the Paris 2024 Summer Olympics’ Break Dancing debut. Italy also didn’t have to clean the Seine River of over a century’s worth of hazardous waste nor would its opening ceremony feature said river and dozens of boats carrying the Olympians. It didn’t have to shut down power plants to make the air breathable as China did for the Beijing 2022 Winter Olympics nor was it postponed for a year due to COVID-19 as the Tokyo 2020 Summer Olympics had.

Someone of Raygun’s experience and skill also wouldn’t make an appearance. Summer Olympics 2028 will be sad without Break Dancing.

I was also disappointed to find that the Hulu PS5 app still sucks. It’s been two years at least, Hulu! The PC app also sucks but not as much. The phone app is just okay. Maybe one of these Olympics I’ll use something other than Hulu + TV, or I’ll use the Hulu app on my TV, which I would hope actually works.

The Milano Cortina Olympics did remind me of the Turin 2006 Winter Olympics though, which gave me reason to hope. I was excited for the Turin, Italy Olympics because one of my favorite bands Bloom 06 (2/3rds of Eiffel 65) had created the official theme for that year. I was expecting to see them at the opening or closing ceremonies, but I don’t even remember hearing the theme anywhere. Considering they hadn’t made any music since 2009, I doubted I’d see or hear Bloom 06 during the 2026 Olympics. “But maybe Gabry Ponte (the other 1/3 of Eiffel 65)?” I dared to hope during the whole opening ceremony. Nope. There was a lot of electronic music though.

Lindsey Vonn, a favorite for alpine skiing despite an ACL injury, fell down and broke her leg within 15 seconds.

The winner of Men’s Giant Slalom took his time taking off all his shirts before screaming and flexing at the crowd.

The 90s theme for the Rhythm Dance was pretty great. Still no Eiffel 65 though.

The winner of the Men’s Slopestyle beefed it on what was supposed to be his victory run. The NBC commentator’s reaction encapsulated this moment well, “Dude, what are you doing?”

The NBC commentators look so ridiculous standing and sitting an awkwardly far distance apart while talking to one another in front of a screen.

Every time Picabo Street appears as an NBC commentator, it reminds me of that Front Page Sports: Ski Racing video game from the 90s. It played audio of her breaking her leg whenever you failed to ski down the course.

Snoop Dog looks so old.

Women’s Half Pipe NBC commentators: “That’s the first time anyone has landed the double cork 1080!”
Judges: “Eh. I guess that’s like an 88.”

After all the hype, Ilia Malinin got 8th in the Men’s Free Skate. The guy from Kazakhstan deserved the gold though. He did a good job.

Interesting. The most efficient way to team pursuit skate is to stay in one order for the whole race and physically push the leaders from behind.

During the Women’s Giant Slalom, three skiers tied for first place at one point on Run 1. On Run 2, two women tied for 2nd place.

Poor George Savaricas. I took to laughing at him every time he appeared as an NBC commentator just because he swallowed loudly mid-sentence once.

I agree with the NBC commentators: the Women’s Snowboarding Slopestyle judging was bizarre. The woman who won seemed like she was out-boarded by several others.

The debut sport for Milano Cortina 2026 was Ski Mountaineering. It involves cross-country skiing uphill with sticky skins on the underside of the skis, removing the skis and running up stairs, removing the sticky skins from the skis and downhill skiing, and replacing the sticky skins to cross-country ski uphill again. It reminds me of that bizarre event in summer Olympics with horse riding, fencing, swimming, shooting, and running.

One of the Women’s Free Skate competitors had a Stranger Things-themed skate. The music included an audio clip of Vecna saying, “You’ve already lost,” a brutal reminder considering she’d already fallen down. Meanwhile, Amber Glenn, the American favorite, went from 13th to 5th place between the Short Program and the Free Skate. Good for her.

Women’s Halfpipe Skier: *flails down the half pipe*
Judges: “I guess that’s like an 80.”

The figure skating gala was fun. The skaters may not have spun on their butts, but they did the macarena and YMCA. Another group dressed as Kung Fu Panda, Deadpool, and Mortal Combat characters. The panda even succeeded in doing a triple spin.

Gabry Ponte appeared for two minutes during the Closing Ceremonies! It’s 20 years later, but I finally got to see part of Eiffel 65 at an Olympics in Italy! Yes! Best two minutes of the 2026 Olympics!

One Last Adventure: The Making of Stranger Things 5

Right after watching all five seasons of Stranger Things, I watched the making of documentary One Last Adventure: The Making of Stranger Things 5. For how much the Internet praised and complained about Will’s coming out scene, there was zero mention of it. The documentary’s timeline even skips bizarrely from the making of Episode 6 to the making of Episode 8. Did the creators of the documentary foresee what a train wreck of controversy Episode 7 was going to be and intentionally exclude all commentary about it? Did they re-edit the documentary to remove mention of Episode 7 and replace it with more commentary about Episode 8 after the controversy? Or was Episode 7 so special in their mind that they excluded it to be experienced in the show alone?

On a lighter subject, watching the set dresser splash fake blood on the walls and everything else for Mrs. Wheeler’s fight scene made me cringe.

Sadako vs. Kayako

I was surprised after I watched Sadako vs. Kayako to discover that’s its considered a comedy-horror. The concept of The Grudge vs. The Ring is a stupid idea that can’t be treated seriously, but this movie felt more like a boring Japanese horror. Half the time, I couldn’t distinguish its intentional comedy from characters making typical bad choices in a horror setting. The rest of the time, comedic characters just felt like stereotypes oddly placed in a horror setting. Namely, a cool bro exorcist and his blind little girl sidekick joined the cast midway into the movie after a fairly typical series of horrific deaths.

All I thought was funny was the terrible, sometimes intentionally so, Engrish subtitles in the copy I watched. During an exorcism, the subtitles enhanced an old woman’s spiritual chanting with Harry Potter spells. “Avada Kedavra!” “Expelliarmus!” “Expecto Patronum!” I wish I could remember some Engrish examples, but you can also watch the copy yourself here:

M3gan 2.0

The creators of M3gan are totally Portal and Portal 2 fans. I had a feeling when I watched M3gan, but after watching the sequel M3gan 2.0, I’m convinced.

The robot villain-turned-ally M3gan has a distortion in her robot voice that’s very reminiscent of the voice of GlaDOS, the robot villain-turned-ally of the Portal video game series. M3gan’s character arc from M3gan to M3gan 2.0 matches GlaDOS’s from Portal to Portal 2, and M3gan singing pop songs inappropriately matches GlaDOS unexpectedly singing the closing theme to both Portal games.

As for the movie itself, it’s great and about as good as I remember M3gan being. Among other satisfying action, comedy, and storytelling beats M3gan 2.0 features, the villain printer company Xenox having super advanced AI is hilarious.

Expedition Unknown (Seasons 1-16)

Occasionally, host Josh Gates portrays himself as a dumb, annoying American in a foreign country. Overall, however, his bits are charming–he once realized he didn’t have physical currency to buy ice cream and helped sell ice cream to make up for it–and he comes across as a genuinely enthusiastic archeologist.

Tracking Tasmania’s Tiger (S4 E9)

Cryptids are animals frequently seen but not yet proven to exist. I knew there was a word that encompassed Big Foot, the Mothman, the Chupacabra, and the like.

Viking Secrets (S5 E1)

Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday are derived from Odin’s Day (Woden’s Day), Thor’s Day, and Freya’s Day.

The Secret, Cracking the Secret, The Secret Solved (S5 E4, S7 E9, S7 E12)

In these episodes, Josh Gates follows clues to real-world buried treasure as depicted in the The Secret: A Treasure Hunt. This book, published in 1982 by Byron Preiss, contains twelve paintings, each depicting clues corresponding to locations across North America in which Preiss buried a box holding a ceramic key. Each key corresponds to a gemstone that Preiss would award to the finder. Only two keys were found before Preiss died in a car crash in 2005, taking the locations of the remaining keys with him.

Josh Gates follows modern enthusiasts of The Secret, who believe they’ve cracked the clues to the remaining boxes. Adding to the difficulty of following the clues, however, is the changes to the cities and landscapes that have occurred in the nearly 40 years since the book was published. Despite this, Josh and his fellow treasure hunters find a key! The Secret is one of Expedition Unknown‘s more fascinating stories and with an amazing conclusion. More often, Josh finds little to advance the mystery he attempts to solve by the end of an episode.

I wonder if Ernest Cline took inspiration from The Secret when he wrote Ready Player One? The characters’ fascination with the 80’s makes it seem plausible.

The Hunt for the Golden Owl (S6 E9)

In this hunt very similar to The Secret, a book On the Trail of the Golden Owl by Max Valentin provides eleven clues to the location of a golden owl worth half a million dollars and hidden somewhere in France.

Escaping the Rock (S10 E7)

Expedition Unknown made it all the way to episodes that premiered in 2022 without mentioning COVID-19! This episode contained the first obvious signs: Josh making inappropriate video calls to interviewees that he would usually visit in person.

I was on the fence about COVID-19’s affect on Deadliest Catch. On one hand, the show documents one of the most dangerous jobs in the world, so why would the people willing to do it care about a flu virus? On the other hand, the ship captains and some of the crew have extremely unhealthy habits, so I understand their concern. It’s nice that Expedition Unknown let COVID-19 affect the show as little as possible, given how ridiculous that would look juxtaposed with the adventurous and dangerous risks they take on a per episode basis.

Chasing the Mysteries of Moses (S10 E12)

One of the show’s interviewees explains the origins of the modern alphabet: ancient semitic graffiti inspired by ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs. Wanting to write something themselves, the semitic graffiti artists drew a rough depiction of an ox on top of a house. The ox upside down creates the shape of an “A.” The word for ox and house to the semitic people was “alpha” and “bet.” Crazy!

The Hunt for Petra’s Lost Tombs, Petra’s Secret’s Revealed (S14 E1-2)

Another of Expedition Unknown‘s more interesting stories, this pair of episodes explores ancient Nabataean ruins, much of them carved in stone. The Nabataeans knew how to control water in the desert, their ancient settlements featuring stone and ceramic plumbing and water ways. They also had the technology to carve grand buildings out of solid stone cliff faces. Despite their achievements, we know almost nothing about them, including the purpose of their most impressive buildings. They existed within a few centuries of 0 AD.

The Man-Eating Lions of Kenya (S15 E2)

I thought there was nothing to learn about two lions, called the Ghost and the Darkness by those tormented by them, that killed as many as 130 people over 100 years ago and that Josh Gates had no business investigating whatever he was investigating, but this episode was surprisingly interesting. Josh and the investigators he accompanied analyzed the skulls and DNA of the lions and discovered they were brothers with genetic tooth problems. Jammed into a hole in one of the lion’s teeth was also hundreds of hairs, revealing what the lion ate and how its diet changed over time. Humans proved easy prey and soft food for lions with sore teeth.

Vanderbilt’s Lost Steamship (S16 E6)

Josh and the investigators actually found the ship wreck! Usually, Josh finds a different ship or a different airplane crash. Or it starts raining, and the crew’s plans are ruined forever.

Frankenstein

I listened to the original Frankenstein by Mary Shelley on Audible. It was interesting.

After discovering the “epistolary novel” in Who Was Jane Austen? Sorting Fact from Fiction, I was eager to read one of the classics for an example of one. Frankenstein is told through the narrator Robert Walton, a sea captain on an Arctic expedition. The introduction of the novel is a series of letters Walton writes to his sister. The rest of the novel is a novel that Walton writes for his sister, relating the story Frankenstein tells him, the story Frankenstein’s monster tells him, and Walton’s own experiences of the two.

In some ways, Frankenstein seems like a deeply flawed novel, at least by modern standards. Arguably, Walton is discardable, and his presence negates the need for Frankenstein and his monster to ever interact or make peace with one another by telling each other their story. Walton serves as the link to reader in telling the two stories.

The melodramatic writing could also be seen as a problem. Today, melodramatic writing is mocked and discouraged, but Victor isn’t shy about telling the reader/Walton repeatedly how dearly he loves his dear friend Henry and his dear childhood friend Elizabeth and how wretched he is without them. His monster is equally verbose is recounting his wretchedness. Both of them go into detail about how pitiable they are, Victor suffering from mental breakdowns and the deaths of his closest friends and family and the monster lamenting what an outcast he is. While Frankenstein (2025) suggests that Victor is the asshole playing the victim, both of them put on quite the pity party for themselves in the book. Walton himself also tells his sister repeatedly how much he pities Victor and wants to help him. The book ends with Victor dying and the monster proclaiming he will burn himself to death on a pyre. It’s such a bleak book with such a bleak ending it’s laughable.

Perhaps its flaws are why Frankenstein has been adapted so many times and in so many different ways. When I think of “Frankenstein,” I think of the image of Victor screaming with maniacal enthusiasm, “It’s alive!” something I can’t imagine the Victor in the book ever doing. Mary Shelley never even says that electricity resurrected the monster, but that’s primarily how adaptations portray it. To name some other changes adaptations have made

  • Frankenstein is a mad scientist and the bad guy.
  • The monster is a mindless beast and the bad guy.
  • Frankenstein actually creates a bride for the monster.
  • The monster falls in love with Elizabeth.
  • Robert Walton is discarded as a narrator.
  • The monster is called Frankenstein.

It’s as if everyone who made an adaptation of Frankenstein saw the seed of a great idea but poorly executed and proceeded to bring what they saw to light. It’s kind of amazing how many different great ideas people imagined from the same source material.